15.2.03

A post which starts off about fanfic and then takes a meandering tour through my own psychology. And which is also hideously long.

Have been reading the reviews for DV11 and trying to write my own – it seems only fair in a weird kind of way. And there are two things I picked up on. First, the sheer amount of people (kids I suspect) who just put ‘dood ur soooo kewl n ur fics awesum’ etc.
I mean, for goodness’ sake. You are reviewing one of the best and best-written works of (fan) fiction around. Use English! Abbreviated English (see ‘have been reading’ intro above and rest of my blog posts) is all very well, but illiterate-speak just makes you seem totally ridiculous. And I’m wondering, if you can’t even be bothered to type in English, why you bothered reading Veritas in the first place. Because let’s face it, there are less long, complex and involved fics out there. ::rolls udaaw eyes::

Second, the sheer amount of homophobia and anti-slash sentiment. OK, it’s your prerogative to not want to read stories involving homosexuality (I don’t understand it at all, but more on that later), but the Trilogy isn’t slash. Neither is it completely het; it’s like real life in that it transcends labels. It’s too beautifully complicated to classify under silly little labels. But, if you’ve been reading it so far and loving it, then I can’t honestly see why one extremely ambiguous male/male kiss would put you off. Grow up, people. Homosexuality exists and trying to live (or write fic) in your own cosy little hetero-normal world is more than a bit silly.

Tying in to the whole anti-slash thing, I think there must be something strange about me. I simply cannot understand why people can be so rabidly against slash in and of itself. How can someone who loves good stories simply refuse to read one because it has two boys being in love with each other? I mean, it makes perfect sense to me that one might not feel comfortable reading fics above a certain rating so as to avoid sex or violence, but distinguishing between slash and het above quality of storytelling? What’s less romantic about two boys kissing than a boy and a girl?

I’ve been thinking about this, and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s related to one of the Sexuality Issues I’ve been trying to puzzle my way through lately. I’m bisexual. I mean really bisexual – I don’t distinguish by gender when it comes to love or sex or desire. And I purely and simply don’t understand how other people can. How can someone have sexual desire for a man or for a woman specifically? I don’t understand this because to me sex/desire is completely unrelated to gender. When I feel desire, I’m wanting to have sex. Gender is irrelevant, really. And love – well, love is a gift and I think anyone who would refuse love because the person’s the wrong gender is a great and idiotic fool. ::shrug:: Sure, I tend to relate better to women in some areas, but equally there are things I can discuss with men that women maybe don’t understand. But that’s a personality/friendship thing, and nothing to do with who I want to sleep with.

So, being as how I don’t really understand monosexuality (is that even a word? I mean being attracted to only one gender, anyway), maybe I just don’t get the het-only-please people for the same reason. I still think it’s narrow though. I mean, I for one don’t read slash for the smut value, although I don’t care how high the rating is as long as it’s handled tastefully, but I suppose if straight people thought slash was all about getting off on smut, they might not want to read it? Surely they can’t think that though? Maybe they’re doing the self-insertion thing and having a great big crush on one of the characters (and so slash would spoil it)? Ack, I think I’m just terminally confused here.
Cool! Aja used the word 'psychosexual' which is my word because there is no other way to describe half of Tori Amos' output. I am thinking of Leather, Lust, Bliss, and pretty much all of Boys for Pele. Also, Aja and Cassie kicked hell out of homophobes on the review board for DV. ::cheers::


Must write RPG post with Myrnen waking up screaming or something while staying overnight at midwives Guild and talking to senior-midwife-magic-woman in order to reveal more about her past history with magic etc. Must also write Choices. ::busy mood::
Okies, big long philosophical-type post coming up, but first small things.

I think friend/exboyfriend were right to split - was playing cards tonight and exboyfriend was being a bit of a bastard - getting really worked up and snapping about all the time and taking umbrage at the stupidest things. Twat.

Also, think am developing crush. Not good as crush object is not well known at all and doesn't know I exist. I really sort of hate my life. Have been stressing and depressing over semi-crush for last couple of days in 'this is ridiculous and I don't want to have a crush on ***' manner. Have been reminded of something Oscar Wilde said about the only way of removing temptation being to give in to it. Do not want to give in to it. Grr.

13.2.03

Hm. Aldi read Falling and agrees that it is Silly Sappy Romance but didn't seem to think there was anything too awful. Perhaps I'll submit the thing after all.

On a personal note, just got sobbed on by friend, who turned up at my door at 1.30am in tears over ex-boyfriend. She loves him, he loves her, but they both know it wouldn't work out. And they were both crying, for he turned up too a few minutes later. And I feel really awful because I have no advice to give them. If they think it wouldn't work - well they're better qualified to judge than I am. So now I am sniffling a little and feeling a bit depressed. ::sniffle::
disturbingness from 1.55am on Thursday:
Aargh, this is terrible! Het smut plotbunny has attacked! Nooo! I am a slasher! I do not write het! I certainly do not write het smut! And being a D/H shipper I really really really do not write het smut involving Draco, Lucius, and girl!Blaise. Bad. Very very bad subconscious. ::smacks:: Draco belongs to Harry. They are perfect for each other; it is Fate and Meant To Be. Draco does not have large amounts of sex with Blaise. Especially not when his dad is also fucking her on the side, and possibly his mum too. Aaargh, now I’m getting interesting mental images of Malfoy/girl!Blaise threesomes. Eww. Het. Het with femslash content is still het, and I do not write het! ::clutches head and moans::

Must work on Choices. Have all sorts of interesting ideas such as the whole nightmares-sleeping together-snuggliness thing. Also other thigns that I am always thinking of and then forgetting.

12.2.03

Oooh oooh oooh! I finally finished Falling! Yay hooray! At last the silly story which was annoying me is dead! OK, so it's pretty crap, but now I can get with writing Choices, which hopefully will not be so awful. And which might actually be, you know, interesting. Yup. Happy here.

Oh, and I redid part of my secondary website so I can put my fanfic on there! ::big happy beams all around::

11.2.03

OK, the title for this thing has been annoying me. At first it was called That Incident We Don't Mention, but then I decided that didn't reflect the rest of the story, so I used that title for the first chapter instead, and tried to think of a new title. And because I absolutely adore Tori's song Crazy, which I think is perfect Harry/Draco material, I was going to use a line from that, Through The Dawn. Except then I remembered that I was using quotes from that song for my biiiig loooong Harry/Draco fic Choices, so I had to think of something else again. And I ended up with Falling, which is still a reference to Crazy but not such an obvious one, and which pretty much describes the whole thing.

I finished Chapter Four, and I'm nearly halfway through Chapter Five. Almost there, and then I can go back to Choices! Yaya!

10.2.03

So. I started off writing a biiiig loooong H/D slash story, with an actual plot and Voldemort stuff and all. And then I had a silly little idea for a humourfic. It was going to be really short, so I thought what the hell, I'll write it. So I started writing it. Except that it started morphing from a humour fic into a sloppy mushy romance fic. It still has no plot other than the romance thing, and I have two chaapters already. Damn. Yet again the story had got a deathgrip on my brain and dragged me off where it wants to go. No fair.
Hiya. I'm Chiya - on most stuff anyway. Sometimes I'm known as Achiasa. I'm a deeply strange person with numerous obsessions. I spend far too much time reading and not nearly enough writing. At the moment, I'm addicted to Harry Potter. Specifically, to Harry/Draco slash fanfic. I read, I write, I bounce up and down a lot. That's me.