22.2.03

Right. ::busy mood:: Must write SoM post with minor magey guys talking to Selanna. Duke trying to listen in? Maybe.
Ficlet! Extremely short, deliberately vague. I think of it as Harry and Draco, naturally.

A Space Of Silence (Perspective)

Did I kiss you, or did you kiss me?
What, the first time?
Mm.
I kissed you, I think. Or maybe – no, I’m pretty sure I kissed you. I’d been thinking about it all week.
What, since the Quidditch match?
Mm. You were spectacular. That dive – I don’t know how you did it…
I’m always spectacular.
You wish. A spectacle, maybe.
Hey.
(Laughter, then silence.)
I watched you for so long.
I know. I watched you watching.
At first I didn’t even know why. I just thought I wanted to be your friend.
Neither of us realised. Don’t pick at it, love.
(A sigh.)
It just feels like I wasted so many years…
Shh….

The kiss. Always it came back to the kiss. Pleasure, pain, sorrow, regret, happiness…love. It was the kiss – little more really than a brief brush of lips, hope and fear so lucid in the other’s eyes – that made you, forced you to realise that this was about more than friendship.
It had been a perfect week. You had seen the admiration on even the face of the Enemy as you pulled out of the twisting dive with the Snitch clutched tight between your fingers, the crowds cheering wildly. And then it had snowed. That perfect end-of-term sort of snow, that decked the castle and grounds in icing-sugar confections of silver brilliance. Under the moonlight, as you trudged back up to the castle for dinner (the powdery stuff shifting and crunching beneath your boots) the landscape had glowed. And there had been the Other. Standing in the snow, watching, waiting, such an expression on that familiar face as you’d never seen before. There had been words, as you stood together, cold and neither really comfortable. Strangely weighted words whose understanding seemed to hover outside your grasp, and you frowned, unsure.
The kiss brought certainty as your eyes flew open in startlement. You had been kissed, the first move had been made, and suddenly your feelings were no longer complicated but painfully simple, and what came next was easy. Standing in the snow under the evening moon, both bundled gracelessly in layers of wool and fleece, neither of you saw beyond kissing each other, beyond the new wonders of skin on skin and gloves tangled in hair. Neither of you knew you were watched.

Poor Ron.
I’m sorry about him.
It’s not your fault. He can’t help being jealous.
He’s always been jealous of you. Everything you had…
It’s not just me. He feels like I’ve stolen you away from him, too. He had such strong feelings about both of us.
(A sigh.)
Do you think he’ll get used to it?
Maybe. Eventually. It’s so strange how everyone looks at us out of the corners of their eyes, when…
When we feel like this was our destiny? That it was fated to be?
Mm.
I never believed in fate.
Until you met me?
Idiot.
(Laughter.)

It had been sad. They had both lost friends over this, they had both made enemies. And alone, that was hard to cope with. But together – together, all that seemed important was each other. In the quiet between-spaces, in the secret dark of the night, love lay heavy on them like a blanket. Touch became sacred, names became caresses. Entwined together, they discovered the secrets of each others’ skins, became so much a part of one another that in the drear light of day it was surprising to be once again separate beings. Surprising, bitter – almost painful.
Sometimes it had hurt - when they saw the distance in the eyes of former friends, when those who were supposed to be family poured scorn. They gave each other comfort. Hands clasped tight in hands, heads pillowed on shoulders, built around them a fortress of safety. Nothing could hurt them enough to touch their shared strength, nothing could come between them. Closeness built its own walls about them. They loved, and cared not for the vagaries of the waking world.

(A sigh.)
I can’t imagine this ever being over.
Don’t. It won’t be. I won’t let it be. You’re mine.
(Laughter.)
Possessive as ever.
And I’m yours. We belong together.
(Silence.)
I know.

18.2.03

Gah. I am hurting so much on Aldi&Alsha's behalf right now. Homophobia sucks. Family just simply does not do that kind of shit. No one who loves you would ever put you through this kind of crap. So yeah, fuck you! Because next year I am going to get on a plane and I am going to fly to America and I am going to stand in Cai's backyard and marry your daughter to her beloved under a ritual that may not mean anything to you, but believe me, will mean more to everyone who loves her than anything else in the world. and that is me laughing in your faces you sick fucks.

17.2.03

Oh yeah - I decided to review Love Under Will, and ended up pretty much writing an essay about themes of innocence/loss of innocence within the chapter. Damn. I posted it anyway, but it's 3 pages long and looks a little out of place. Oh well. I adore that story and I think it deserves intelligent reviewing.


Side note - my spelling os going absolutely down the pan lately. It's ridiculous. I can't even spell my own name without making typos.
Damn. Generally a Bad Day, really. Been feeling crappy/listless/depressive in that way that I get when I fall off my hyper/manic high. ah well. Must remember to go to bank tomorrow. On plus side, just wrote and posted that Myrnen post I've been promising and plotted out one with magic guys and People In Charge. Have invented two new minor characters in order to do so.


Hmm. Raining Blood is a very depressing song. Will switch to Real Men. Block warfare has been going on lately. I find it ridiculous.


Have been trying to write Choices. I plotted out several chapters and found titles for them, but I think I might change the titles later. Also I wrote that scene where they first snuggle up in bed together - I'll prolly change it later, but it's one of those parts that constantly sticking in my head. Umbralin, who is kindly betaing Falling for me, has taken me to task for saying that it is pointless and crappy. I stand by my assertion, although I'm glad she thinks it's good/well written. Because there really is fuck all in terms of plot, and very little dramatic tension, and it was written in pretty much one shot, and I know I can write better than that, with, you know, imagery and descriptives and stuff. I'm determined to do so in Choices - I'm not just going to settle for what spews out of my head, I'm going to polish the damn thing.

16.2.03

Hmph yet again - I posted all that stuff on saturday, but it only just appeared now. All my lovely long interesting posties wasted. ::sighing again here::
Hmph. My luck is not in when it comes to the net today. I tried posting a minor rant about homophobia earlier, but got tcp error messages. Then I tried to work on the site, but I forgot to wiggle the mouse when pagebuilder was loading and was forced by the black screen of death to reboot completely. Grr. then I tried again, but the damn files are too big to fit on the pages, and I am too knackered to bother with it right now.

Still have crush. :p Still disturbed by crush. Having crushes on people I've never spoken to is a bad idea, I feel. ::sigh::